I've been writing in my blog for five years now. Though that may seem like such a long time for some, these last five years have gone by incredibly fast.
At times, too fast.
Throughout this blog, I've shared ups and downs that I've had as someone who endures the daily struggles of MS. I have had good days. I have had bad days. My overall goal of sharing pieces of myself with you was to be as open, honest, and transparent as possible. After all, I knew that I would never be able to accomplish what I had originally set out to do if I hid behind a facade.
No one can.
I have stressed that I am just like you with my daily struggles or adversities that I have faced (and still do). There have been a couple of posts that I have touched on the issues that I have faced with depression and anxiety since being diagnosed with MS in 2005. I have been able to combat both - most of the time - with how I live my life and my overall outlook on what I do, why something is happening, and the fact that I am the only one who can change my present.
However, there are still times that I struggle to maintain a positive outlook, and that fear, that anxiety, that anger starts creeping in.
Here we go:
For the last four months, I have endured a constant headache (yes, the entire four months). Medication does not seem to help. The immense amount of water I drink daily seems to help alleviate some of the discomfort, but the pain is still there. To a certain extent, I feel as though I have taken one giant step backwards, and this makes me angry.
I have had a very difficult time sleeping since Caleb came home (insomnia coupled with muscle spasms). Though I know I am being a typical mom with my worry, I do know that MS is rearing its ugly head in this situation.
I have had a hard time walking after getting up from a sitting position for nearly a year. Yes, I can still walk, however, it takes me about 30 minutes of being back on my feet until the pain subsides. This, in and of itself, makes it near impossible to jog/run (though I still muster through the pain), and THIS makes me angry.
My hips have been hurting (think of feeling like you need to pop something, but you can't quite get it) for the same amount of time I've had trouble walking.
My right thumb and index finger have been numb for just over two months. When I'm doing something that requires the use of my hand (I'm right handed, so this is practically everything), my hand will begin to go numb until I vigorously shake my hand for five or ten minutes (though I hate doing this, Caleb laughs hysterically so I can't complain too much).
Last week, I was putting Caleb to bed, and while I was running my fingertips through his hair and singing to him, I noticed that the top part of my vision on the right side seem to have a shadow in it. No amount of blinking or rubbing my eyes made this go away. However, it has since subsided, but this was something new.
Since Caleb has been home, my weight has slowly increased. It's difficult to look in the mirror now without being disgusted. What in the hell has happened?!
Just over a month ago, I began one of the best career moves in my life. There was a time that my husband and I discussed me being home with Caleb until he went to school full time. However, we decided that Caleb needed to be around other children after he turned two (a micro-preemie has an underdeveloped immune system which can make it dangerous to place him with other children; basically children equal germs and germs near a micro-preemie equal bad so waiting a couple of years was recommended by Caleb's pediatrician). Caleb starts daycare at the end of August, and for the time being, he is being watched in our home by Chris' mom. Though I will be eternally grateful that she is there watching Caleb so I can begin my new career, I have become angry that I am not the one at home with Caleb. In my mind, no one can care for him like I do, and though that may be a rather horrendous thought, I cannot help myself.
**Update**
Caleb was able to start daycare this week due to a cancellation from an enrolled child. He absolutely loves it, and that makes me incredibly happy.
Damn it, Desiree, get it together!
So, where is the good in all of this?
Well, I'm back at work in a career that I love working with individuals with whom I admire and respect. I've learned more over the past month than I think I did in one year of college. Though it has been overwhelming at times, I adore what I am doing, and I cannot wait to expand my knowledge.
My husband and I are in the process of having our dream home built. We are ecstatic that we can design a home that will be with us for decades. This home will be one in which Caleb will be in until he decides to move out. Perhaps, this home will be the one in which we introduce our next child (no, I'm not pregnant - yet)? Our builders have become like family to us and have made the entire process amazing and memorable. We will be building close to Caleb's godfathers which makes us incredibly happy. Additionally, Chris and I have met some of our best friends throughout this entire process.
So, now what?
I have put how I used to work out and take care of myself on the back burner. Yes, I am THAT person who will say that I don't have time. I need to get back to the woman I was when I wrote Mirror. This life that I am living is no longer my own. It is imperative that I get back to the mindset of pushing myself to be healthier and better for my beautiful son and my husband. It's not difficult, but I am making it seem difficult. At one time, I was the type of person who "had developed a mindset that consisted of yelling at myself if I couldn't do something then trying until I could eventually do it...even if it took me hours, even if it hurt, even if the frustration was so immense that I sobbed like a child while doing it, I still did it" (Curry, 2012, para. 10).
Yes, even I (from time-to-time), lose sight of the positive.
With the issues that I have been experiencing, I know that I can alleviate what I am going through with a diet change. Therefore, I have cut red meat out of my diet almost completely. It has been said that the enzymes in red meat cause inflammation around the nerves causing issues with numbness, cognitive function, fatigue, depression, anxiety, muscle spasms, spasticity, overall pain, and issues with attention and concentration ("Red meat," 2015). I am hoping that this will allow the pain I am feeling to subside and help stop the numbness I am experiencing.
My husband (who is and will always be a red meat eater) is supporting me in this effort. He, however, could possibly die without a steak (not really, but you get the idea).
Writing has always been a love of mine. I've been experiencing writer's block while trying to write my book, and I believe that is stemming from the fact that I do not write in my blog as frequently as I used to (practice makes perfect, and that includes writing). This will be changing. I miss hearing from my readers. I miss sharing my journey (the good and the bad).
In conjunction with writing in this blog more frequently, I will be doing a monthly "Spotlight" on another blog/website that I've come across and want to introduce to my audience.
Next month, I will be introducing you to a man who was previously a "340 pound depressed couch potato [who became] a happy and healthy urban farmer" (Spoonemore, 2017). I was introduced to Dale about three years ago when he was helping my brother and his family move. At the time, I was unaware of his story, but I have been able to read about his journey and his overall drive to become healthy after learning about his website and blog through my brother. Additionally, he is one of the individuals I work with who continually impresses and inspires me with his intelligence, work ethic, and overall drive. I can assure you that Dale's Spotlight will not be one that you want to miss.
So, where do we go from here?
You know, in five years, both Chris and I have endured hit after hit, but we have also experienced blessing after blessing. I have realized that I am beginning to feel sorry for myself and sink back into a depression which has increased my anxiety.
This is not the Desiree that I want to be.
This is not the mom that I want my child to have.
This is not the wife that I want my husband to have.
Therefore, it is up to me (and only me) to change my way of thinking, to change my behavior, to change my life. Nothing worth having comes easy, and this is no different than past desires I've had. I hope that you will come with me along this journey, and during it, I hope to continue to inspire you (and myself!) as we all push ourselves further and harder to be the best we can possibly be. Remember, you have one life, and it is your responsibility to live it in the best way you can, but never forget that you aren't alone during your journey - ever.
References:
Curry, D. (2012, December 17). Seven years [Web log comment]. Retrieved from http://movingforwardwithms.blogspot.com/2012/12/seven-years.html
Red meat: Why humans get MS and other primates don't. (2015). Retrieved from https://overcomingms.org/red-meat-humans-get-ms-primates-dont/
Spoonemore, D. (2017, June 4). My journey from a 340 pound depressed couch potato to a happy and healthy urban farmer" [Web log comment]. Retrieved from http://www.seedtospoon.net/2017/06/04/journey-340-pound-depressed-couch-potato-happy-healthy-urban-farmer/
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Changed Priorities
Life has a funny way of changing priorities, doesn't it? Three years ago, my priorities were solely focused on work, school, and preparing to get married. It overwhelms me to think about the multitude of changes that have occurred these past few years.
I am a stay-at-home momma to a very ornery yet loving and curious toddler. YES!! My beautiful little baby boy will be two in less than a month, and my mind is racing trying to find ways to slow time down. I never really believed my parents (or anyone else) when I was told, "The time will just FLY by when you have a child."
I was blissfully oblivious, and quite frankly, I want that blissful oblivion back!
However, I am constantly blown away by all that my son continues to accomplish every single day. I look forward to how he will continue to grow and thrive, and I cannot wait to see how he is going to continue to change the world and others just by simply being him.
Along with the stay-at-home momma gig I've got going on, I am actively searching for a new school to go to to get my DBA. I should actually be quite tired of school, but I'm going stir crazy. It's a constant yearning to want to learn more and perfect and build upon what I already know. Oh, the constant stress and deadlines of papers and projects will most likely be something I pray to be over soon, but at the end of the day, that stress, those projects, and the constant internal dialog I have to push myself is something I miss.
I am still working on my MS-related book (though it seems as it will never be completed or good enough). Despite the roadblocks when writing, I still have an unwavering desire to tell my story to the world and help someone with the journey I've traveled. I have definitely missed writing in this blog, but it seems as though there are not enough hours in the day to devote to something I love to do (changed priorities, right?). For my readers, know that I have not forgotten about you, and know that I am always wanting to write something to help you through your day and struggles. Through my absence, do not think that I am forgetting the struggles and adversities that we have all faced. If anything, I am ensuring that additional circumstances in my life will be eventually heard so that others continue to feel empowered.
With this said, my MS has been relatively calm (knock on wood). I do still have my bad days, but they are infrequent. When the bad days occur, they aren't as bad as I remember them being. It still blows my mind that all of this is happening without the assistance of medication for MS. It's been nearly five years since any form of MS therapy was voluntarily stopped, and I wouldn't change my decision for the world.
Understand that every person with MS is different. Their MS journey is different, so what is working for me may not work for someone else. It is my hope that you empower yourself with the knowledge and resources necessary to live the best life that you can live despite having MS. You are so much more than a diagnosis, and at the end of the day, YOU embark on a journey that was created for you and you alone. No matter your journey, no matter how you approach your journey, I am still here fighting for and with you.
I am starting the process of getting back into the workforce (I knew I wouldn't be gone for long). The company I am currently interviewing with is one in which I have an immense amount of respect and admiration for. During the initial interview process, I was asked why I do the things I do within the volunteering scope of my life and why I devote that time to someone or something who, ultimately, cannot give me anything in return.
I've been asked questions similar to the one above, but this one spoke to me. This one stayed with me months after it was initially asked. Why?
When I am gone from this world, I do not want to be remembered for what I had, the amount of money I had (although, let's be honest here, that's nice), the lifestyle I lived, or the way I dressed.
No. No. No.
I want to be remembered for my character and the way I made people feel. At the end of the day, if I am able to change one person's life, help one person through anything, show one person that they do matter in this world, or put a smile on someone's face then I have done a pretty good job.
This is why I write this blog. I want you, my readers, to hear my story and feel empowered. I want you to know that you can do anything you set your mind to with the right amount of determination and perseverance. I want you to know that no one or no thing will ever stand in your way (that's right, this includes MS). I want you to know that your fight is my fight. I want you to know that your voice will always be heard. I want you to know that I care deeply about your journey. I want you to know that it is my life's goal to change your life in a positive way.
So, through this rambling, through my absence because, well, life, and through my journey, know that I am still here, standing right beside you, fighting for the same things you are fighting for because you may have MS, but MS does not have you.
I am a stay-at-home momma to a very ornery yet loving and curious toddler. YES!! My beautiful little baby boy will be two in less than a month, and my mind is racing trying to find ways to slow time down. I never really believed my parents (or anyone else) when I was told, "The time will just FLY by when you have a child."
I was blissfully oblivious, and quite frankly, I want that blissful oblivion back!
However, I am constantly blown away by all that my son continues to accomplish every single day. I look forward to how he will continue to grow and thrive, and I cannot wait to see how he is going to continue to change the world and others just by simply being him.
Along with the stay-at-home momma gig I've got going on, I am actively searching for a new school to go to to get my DBA. I should actually be quite tired of school, but I'm going stir crazy. It's a constant yearning to want to learn more and perfect and build upon what I already know. Oh, the constant stress and deadlines of papers and projects will most likely be something I pray to be over soon, but at the end of the day, that stress, those projects, and the constant internal dialog I have to push myself is something I miss.
I am still working on my MS-related book (though it seems as it will never be completed or good enough). Despite the roadblocks when writing, I still have an unwavering desire to tell my story to the world and help someone with the journey I've traveled. I have definitely missed writing in this blog, but it seems as though there are not enough hours in the day to devote to something I love to do (changed priorities, right?). For my readers, know that I have not forgotten about you, and know that I am always wanting to write something to help you through your day and struggles. Through my absence, do not think that I am forgetting the struggles and adversities that we have all faced. If anything, I am ensuring that additional circumstances in my life will be eventually heard so that others continue to feel empowered.
With this said, my MS has been relatively calm (knock on wood). I do still have my bad days, but they are infrequent. When the bad days occur, they aren't as bad as I remember them being. It still blows my mind that all of this is happening without the assistance of medication for MS. It's been nearly five years since any form of MS therapy was voluntarily stopped, and I wouldn't change my decision for the world.
Understand that every person with MS is different. Their MS journey is different, so what is working for me may not work for someone else. It is my hope that you empower yourself with the knowledge and resources necessary to live the best life that you can live despite having MS. You are so much more than a diagnosis, and at the end of the day, YOU embark on a journey that was created for you and you alone. No matter your journey, no matter how you approach your journey, I am still here fighting for and with you.
I am starting the process of getting back into the workforce (I knew I wouldn't be gone for long). The company I am currently interviewing with is one in which I have an immense amount of respect and admiration for. During the initial interview process, I was asked why I do the things I do within the volunteering scope of my life and why I devote that time to someone or something who, ultimately, cannot give me anything in return.
I've been asked questions similar to the one above, but this one spoke to me. This one stayed with me months after it was initially asked. Why?
When I am gone from this world, I do not want to be remembered for what I had, the amount of money I had (although, let's be honest here, that's nice), the lifestyle I lived, or the way I dressed.
No. No. No.
I want to be remembered for my character and the way I made people feel. At the end of the day, if I am able to change one person's life, help one person through anything, show one person that they do matter in this world, or put a smile on someone's face then I have done a pretty good job.
This is why I write this blog. I want you, my readers, to hear my story and feel empowered. I want you to know that you can do anything you set your mind to with the right amount of determination and perseverance. I want you to know that no one or no thing will ever stand in your way (that's right, this includes MS). I want you to know that your fight is my fight. I want you to know that your voice will always be heard. I want you to know that I care deeply about your journey. I want you to know that it is my life's goal to change your life in a positive way.
So, through this rambling, through my absence because, well, life, and through my journey, know that I am still here, standing right beside you, fighting for the same things you are fighting for because you may have MS, but MS does not have you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
In Complete Awe
Countless times, I have heard that nothing worth having comes easy. Though this is vitally true in every single aspect of our lives, there have been numerous times - especially over the last two years - that this has become hard to hear.
I have been exhausted.
I have been broken.
You see, in 2009, I decided to start my college journey again. After being incapable of returning back to school due to my health, I finally decided to take a stand and move forward regardless of any limitations that stood in my way. At the end of the day, these "limitations" were ones that I was easily able to overcome with the right amount of dedication, perseverance, and hope.
In 2012. I graduated with honors and earned a bachelor's degree in business administration. Honestly, I could not believe that I was able to accomplish such an amazing goal. I cannot count how many times I managed to yell at myself throughout this specific journey just to stop feeling sorry for myself and set out to do what I knew I could do.
What I KNEW I could do.
After a year break, I decided to go back to school in September 2013 to earn my MBA. I was ecstatic to go back. I had almost become stir crazy because I missed being in school. I missed learning. I missed pushing myself.
So much happened since September 2013...
An engagement. A marriage. Finding out that I was pregnant. Giving birth to our son three and a half months early. A 98 day NICU stay. Learning of my father-in-law's terminal brain tumor. The passing of my father-in-law. Cognitive MS relapse. Short term disability. Long term disability. Being terminated from a job due to doctor's appointments...
Sigh.
I could continue...
In the midst of everything that occurred after my son was born, I was kicked out of school. Not once, but twice, due to repeated miscommunication and the inability for the school to file the correct paper work on time. I could not continue classes after my son was born and was suspended because of a professor's lack of time management to complete his portion of an incomplete request. I went back to school three weeks after Caleb was born with the understanding that I would take a term off (6 weeks) when he came home. The time was taken off, but when I went to re-register for classes, I was informed that I would have to pay for school out of pocket for three terms.
Sigh.
We had just had a baby come home from the NICU. I was on disability. There was no way that $7,500 could be paid at that moment. So, I didn't return back to school until the middle of February 2016 when student loans would become available again.
Now, the old me would have shaken my head and given up. There would have been absolutely no way that I would want to continue on doing what I was doing with so many barriers standing in my way. I'll admit, the new me was hesitant on trying to move forward to finish my degree.
With a new baby at home, going through a cognitive MS relapse, very little sleep, and learning that I, in fact, did not have five of me running around at the same time posed a significant issue with trying to complete anything.
Sigh.
However, I pushed through.
Harder than I ever have before.
Today, August 16, 2016, I have officially completed my MBA with a 4.0!!!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Before going anything further, there is something I feel needs to be addressed:
So, as numerous people have asked, "What on earth are you going to do now that you're out of school? Just stay home with Caleb?"
Oh, the fury!
Yes, I will continue to be home with Caleb, raising him to be a happy, healthy little boy. Educating him and preparing him for the world. This, in and of itself, is a full time job - more than a full time job, actually. There are no vacation days. No breaks. I do not have the ability to leave the office at the end of the day and leave work at work. We don't have a nanny to care for Caleb - why would we want another person raising him? It's a 24/7/365 job that I would not give up for anything in the world. It's the best job I've ever had, actually. Caleb is the best boss I've ever had, as well. For those who do not understand what it means to be a stay-at-home mom, try to respect and appreciate the ones who are. Do not undermine them because they are not going into an office to work. Do not look at a stay-at-home mom as one who gets to do nothing during the day and get away with it or someone who is uneducated. Yes, I'm a stay-at-home mom with an advanced degree. This was not what I had originally planned to do after college, but quite frankly, it's not my decision or plan in the first place. I am where I am and am doing what God intends for me to do.
Rant over.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Additionally, I'm currently waiting to hear back from a university to be an online professor and will be working on my MS-related book. Finally, in a year, I will be going back to school to earn my doctorate in business administration.
Wow.
Yesterday, I found a list of goals I had written down for myself to achieve over a lifetime. I think I wrote the list when I was 17 or 18. However, I was shocked to see that most of them had already been achieved.
I am so proud of who I have become.
I am so proud of the goals I have accomplished.
I am proud that my husband can say, "Yes! That's my wife, and look what she just accomplished!"
I am so proud that I can look my son in the eyes, and tell him that he can do absolutely anything he wants to as long as he works hard and never gives up.
I am so proud to know that I have completed something I was told never needed to be accomplished.
I am so proud that I never listened to those who told me that it was okay to give up.
I hope, now more than ever, that the little boy napping in the nursery down the hall will be as proud of me as I am of him. It is because of his beautiful soul and tremendous fight that I continued to push myself.
With all of this, I beg you:
Make goals for yourself. Go out on a limb to create goals that may seem out of reach at the time. Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot achieve anything. Do not let anyone tell you - this includes yourself - that it is okay to give up. Yes, there may be tears and there may be times of anger, but I can assure you that when you come out on the other side, you will look back in complete awe that you accomplished what was meant to tear you apart. Be proud of yourself, and never, ever give up on your dreams and goals. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, but never settle for an easy route because you are worth the fight.
I have been exhausted.
I have been broken.
You see, in 2009, I decided to start my college journey again. After being incapable of returning back to school due to my health, I finally decided to take a stand and move forward regardless of any limitations that stood in my way. At the end of the day, these "limitations" were ones that I was easily able to overcome with the right amount of dedication, perseverance, and hope.
In 2012. I graduated with honors and earned a bachelor's degree in business administration. Honestly, I could not believe that I was able to accomplish such an amazing goal. I cannot count how many times I managed to yell at myself throughout this specific journey just to stop feeling sorry for myself and set out to do what I knew I could do.
What I KNEW I could do.
After a year break, I decided to go back to school in September 2013 to earn my MBA. I was ecstatic to go back. I had almost become stir crazy because I missed being in school. I missed learning. I missed pushing myself.
So much happened since September 2013...
An engagement. A marriage. Finding out that I was pregnant. Giving birth to our son three and a half months early. A 98 day NICU stay. Learning of my father-in-law's terminal brain tumor. The passing of my father-in-law. Cognitive MS relapse. Short term disability. Long term disability. Being terminated from a job due to doctor's appointments...
Sigh.
I could continue...
In the midst of everything that occurred after my son was born, I was kicked out of school. Not once, but twice, due to repeated miscommunication and the inability for the school to file the correct paper work on time. I could not continue classes after my son was born and was suspended because of a professor's lack of time management to complete his portion of an incomplete request. I went back to school three weeks after Caleb was born with the understanding that I would take a term off (6 weeks) when he came home. The time was taken off, but when I went to re-register for classes, I was informed that I would have to pay for school out of pocket for three terms.
Sigh.
We had just had a baby come home from the NICU. I was on disability. There was no way that $7,500 could be paid at that moment. So, I didn't return back to school until the middle of February 2016 when student loans would become available again.
Now, the old me would have shaken my head and given up. There would have been absolutely no way that I would want to continue on doing what I was doing with so many barriers standing in my way. I'll admit, the new me was hesitant on trying to move forward to finish my degree.
With a new baby at home, going through a cognitive MS relapse, very little sleep, and learning that I, in fact, did not have five of me running around at the same time posed a significant issue with trying to complete anything.
Sigh.
However, I pushed through.
Harder than I ever have before.
Today, August 16, 2016, I have officially completed my MBA with a 4.0!!!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Before going anything further, there is something I feel needs to be addressed:
So, as numerous people have asked, "What on earth are you going to do now that you're out of school? Just stay home with Caleb?"
Oh, the fury!
Yes, I will continue to be home with Caleb, raising him to be a happy, healthy little boy. Educating him and preparing him for the world. This, in and of itself, is a full time job - more than a full time job, actually. There are no vacation days. No breaks. I do not have the ability to leave the office at the end of the day and leave work at work. We don't have a nanny to care for Caleb - why would we want another person raising him? It's a 24/7/365 job that I would not give up for anything in the world. It's the best job I've ever had, actually. Caleb is the best boss I've ever had, as well. For those who do not understand what it means to be a stay-at-home mom, try to respect and appreciate the ones who are. Do not undermine them because they are not going into an office to work. Do not look at a stay-at-home mom as one who gets to do nothing during the day and get away with it or someone who is uneducated. Yes, I'm a stay-at-home mom with an advanced degree. This was not what I had originally planned to do after college, but quite frankly, it's not my decision or plan in the first place. I am where I am and am doing what God intends for me to do.
Rant over.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Additionally, I'm currently waiting to hear back from a university to be an online professor and will be working on my MS-related book. Finally, in a year, I will be going back to school to earn my doctorate in business administration.
Wow.
Yesterday, I found a list of goals I had written down for myself to achieve over a lifetime. I think I wrote the list when I was 17 or 18. However, I was shocked to see that most of them had already been achieved.
I am so proud of who I have become.
I am so proud of the goals I have accomplished.
I am proud that my husband can say, "Yes! That's my wife, and look what she just accomplished!"
I am so proud that I can look my son in the eyes, and tell him that he can do absolutely anything he wants to as long as he works hard and never gives up.
I am so proud to know that I have completed something I was told never needed to be accomplished.
I am so proud that I never listened to those who told me that it was okay to give up.
I hope, now more than ever, that the little boy napping in the nursery down the hall will be as proud of me as I am of him. It is because of his beautiful soul and tremendous fight that I continued to push myself.
With all of this, I beg you:
Make goals for yourself. Go out on a limb to create goals that may seem out of reach at the time. Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot achieve anything. Do not let anyone tell you - this includes yourself - that it is okay to give up. Yes, there may be tears and there may be times of anger, but I can assure you that when you come out on the other side, you will look back in complete awe that you accomplished what was meant to tear you apart. Be proud of yourself, and never, ever give up on your dreams and goals. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, but never settle for an easy route because you are worth the fight.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
What a Difference a Year can Make
With a 98 day NICU journey, Caleb overcame the largest odds. After his 98 day journey, he continued to thrive, overcome odds, and grow into an amazing and strong little boy
8th:
Caleb's Born at Integris Canadian Valley
3:47 PM
12 3/4 inches, 1 pound 15 ounces
Billirubin light therapy begins as soon as he is admitted to Integris Baptist
10th:
Chest tube placed
12th:
Met Uncle Bubba (my brother) for the first time
13th:
Chest tube removed
14th:
Met Aunt Eden
PICC line placement
16th:
Blood transfusion
19th:
Had Grade I brain bleed
20th:
Met Grandpa Curry
21st:
Caleb made it to 2 pounds!
23rd:
Blood transfusion (all blood given to Caleb was from his daddy)
Changed to a conventional ventilator
24th:
Placed back on the oscillating ventilator
3rd:
Kissed Caleb on the head at 9:30 PM
4th:
1st Fourth of July
8th:
One Month Old
Uncle Bubba came to visit
10th:
Met Grandpa Cook and Nancy
11th:
Changed to conventional ventilator
12th:
Skin-to-skin: I held Caleb for the first time
13th:
First bath
14th:
Blood transfusion
18th:
Caleb made it to three pounds
Daddy held Caleb for the first time!
19th:
Second bath and washed hair
24th:
Third bath and washed hair
26th:
Met Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick
27th:
Was informed that I was not producing enough breast milk for Caleb and was talked to about donor milk
28th:
PDA is getting smaller
ROP exam showed no ROP
1st attempt off of ventilator
Heard Caleb cry for the first time
29th:
Placed back on ventilator
31st:
Was informed that Caleb contracted e-coli. He would be placed in isolation for over 30 days. We would be required to gown and glove up every single time we went into his room.
3rd:
Dr. Breed visited Caleb
6th:
Second time off ventilator
7th:
Blood transfusion
8th:
Two months old
PICC is out
First time swaddled
First time in clothes
11th:
Second ROP exam showed stage 1/2 (mild) ROP
13th:
Caleb made it to 4 pounds
14th:
PDA completely closed on its own!
19th:
Off ventilator completely
20th:
Diagnosed with chronic lung disease
21st:
Grade I brain bleed resolved!
23rd:
First bottle
Moved to PICU with NICU best friend
24th:
Caleb made it to 5 pounds
28th:
Open crib
31st:
Circumcision
September
8th:
3 months old
Passed newborn hearing screening
Caleb is now 6 pounds 4 ounces
9th:
Passed car seat challenge
11th:
Caleb was supposed to go home today due to his breathing treatment being stopped and the doctor wanting to monitor him for a few more days. This was some of the hardest hits Chris and I took this far into the NICU journey.
14th:
Released from hospital to go home
18th:
Caleb met his cousins, Wesley and Ce'Nedra.
Caleb met his Nana (my mom)
20th:
Caleb's original due date
21st:
Grandpa Cook and Nancy came to visit
29th:
Eye appointment for Caleb showed no ROP - ALL CLEAR
Caleb made it to 8 pounds
October
8th:
Four months old
Caleb made it to 8 pounds 13 ounces
1/8 liter of oxygen
Joan came to visit
10th:
Alicia came to visit
16th:
Was switched to soy formula indefinitely
1/16 liter of oxygen
17th:
Matt and Cara came to visit
22nd:
Caleb made it to 10 pounds
25th:
Mieasha came to visit
28th:
Caleb got to see his Grandpa and Grandma Curry. Thinking back on this day now, it was extremely bittersweet. Caleb was able to see his Grandpa Curry in his house one final time...
November
3rd:
Received some very difficult news about Don (Grandpa Curry)
8th:
Five months old!
10th:
Met Caleb's pulmonologist who was able to give us uplifting news about Caleb's oxygen requirements.
Caleb made it to 11 pounds 5 ounces
12th:
First overnight room air study
14th:
Caleb's first OSU game
15th:
Received news that Don (Grandpa Curry) had an official diagnosis of a brain tumor
19th:
Received new medication for reflux
Smiles on demand
Went to preliminary testing for SippC
First Synagis shot
Was informed that Caleb no longer needed to be on supplemental oxygen during the day
Caleb made it to 12 pounds 1 ounce
26th:
Caleb's first Thanksgiving
29th:
Caleb's first Bedlam game
December
8th:
Caleb is 6 months old!
9th:
Caleb is beginning to teethe
15th:
Caleb sits up with the help of a Bumbo
18th:
Loving tummy time
22nd:
Caleb is finally at home longer than he was in the NICU
Caleb made it to 14 pounds 5 ounces
Caleb got to see his NICU girlfriend, Olivia!
25th:
Caleb's first Christmas
26th:
Caleb "asked" his Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick and they would be his Godfathers.
28th:
Caleb's Great Grandma Meeks passed away today
January
3rd:
Celebrated Daddy's birthday
8th:
Caleb is 7 months old!
Caleb made it to 15 pounds 6 ounces
11th:
Caleb was awake and asleep off of the oxygen and he did great.
19th:
Follow up visit to Caleb's cardiologist to confirm that the PDA is still closed and there are no underlying heart issues.
20th:
Left Caleb overnight for the first time to go to Don's funeral. Caleb's smiles and giggles made both his mommy and daddy feel a little better about leaving.
26th:
Tried baby cereal, and it wasn't that great of a success.
28th:
Caleb put both of his hands on my cheeks and pulled me in for a kiss. It completely melted my heart.
February
2nd:
Tried avocados, and Caleb loved them!
3rd:
Caleb was chosen to be in the baseline group for the SippC study.
8th:
Caleb is 8 months old!
Caleb made it to 16 pounds 8 ounces.
13th:
Caleb's first overall experience.
14th:
Caleb's first Valentine's Day
19th:
Tried and LOVED sweet potatoes!
22nd:
First time - ever - going for a walk outside. Caleb LOVED it!
Sat in a high chair for the first time and loved it.
March
8th:
Caleb is 9 months old!
He made it to 18 pounds 5 ounces.
17th:
Caleb's first St. Patrick's Day
20th:
Caleb's bottom "toof" popped out.
28th:
Caleb's first Easter
April
8th:
Caleb is 10 months old
Caleb made it to 19 pounds
15th:
We have slowly started taking Caleb out to more places. His official lift date for isolation is May 1st.
Caleb had his first french fry
16th:
Outing #2: Farm Show
21st:
Outing #3: Festival of the Arts
22nd:
Outing #4: Roxy's Ice Cream
25th:
Three bottom teeth and two top teeth trying to break through.
May
2nd:
Celebrated Mommy's birthday
3rd:
Great report at gastroenterologist for Caleb. Weaning down on reflux medication and hoping to switch to regular dairy based formula so we can go to cow's milk.
4th:
Went back to visit some of the NICU staff.
8th:
Celebrated Mother's Day with Mommy.
Caleb is 11 months old!
Caleb made it to 21 pounds.
11th:
After 337 days on some form of supplemental oxygen, Caleb was released from any additional form of supplemental oxygen.
12th:
Outing #4: Buffalo Wild Wings
14th:
March of Dimes
16th:
Modeling debut!
Went over to Uncle Robert's and Aunt Eden's house!
21st:
Caleb went to sleep in his crib for the first time ever!
25th:
Caleb crawled!!
29th:
All of Caleb's oxygen supplies were finally picked up.
June
8th
After a year of fighting, a year of triumphs, a year of questions, and a year of phenomenal resilience and perseverance, Caleb turns one year old. God is so good.
With the rate that Caleb is continually growing and thriving, myself and my husband are certain that Caleb will make significant strides moving forward.
As a parent, there are no books to read from that will give you step-by-step instructions on how to care for a child. As a parent of a micro-preemie, the odds are always stacked against you and your miracle. However, with faith, prayer, love, and support, you and your miracle can get through anything. My beautiful 1 pound 15 ounce 25 week 4 day baby has proven that miracles do exist.
He is and will always be my miracle and my hero.
Reference:
Mayo Clinic Staff. (2014). Placental abruption. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/placental-abruption/basics/definition/con-20024292
June:
8th:
Caleb's Born at Integris Canadian Valley
3:47 PM
12 3/4 inches, 1 pound 15 ounces
Billirubin light therapy begins as soon as he is admitted to Integris Baptist
Chest tube placed
12th:
Met Uncle Bubba (my brother) for the first time
Chest tube removed
14th:
Met Aunt Eden
PICC line placement
16th:
Blood transfusion
19th:
Had Grade I brain bleed
20th:
Met Grandpa Curry
21st:
Caleb made it to 2 pounds!
23rd:
Blood transfusion (all blood given to Caleb was from his daddy)
Changed to a conventional ventilator
24th:
Placed back on the oscillating ventilator
July
3rd:
Kissed Caleb on the head at 9:30 PM
1st Fourth of July
One Month Old
Uncle Bubba came to visit
10th:
Met Grandpa Cook and Nancy
Changed to conventional ventilator
Skin-to-skin: I held Caleb for the first time
First bath
Blood transfusion
18th:
Caleb made it to three pounds
Daddy held Caleb for the first time!
Second bath and washed hair
Third bath and washed hair
26th:
Met Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick
27th:
Was informed that I was not producing enough breast milk for Caleb and was talked to about donor milk
28th:
PDA is getting smaller
ROP exam showed no ROP
1st attempt off of ventilator
Heard Caleb cry for the first time
29th:
Placed back on ventilator
31st:
Was informed that Caleb contracted e-coli. He would be placed in isolation for over 30 days. We would be required to gown and glove up every single time we went into his room.
August
3rd:
Dr. Breed visited Caleb
6th:
Second time off ventilator
7th:
Blood transfusion
8th:
Two months old
PICC is out
First time swaddled
First time in clothes
11th:
Second ROP exam showed stage 1/2 (mild) ROP
13th:
Caleb made it to 4 pounds
14th:
PDA completely closed on its own!
19th:
Off ventilator completely
20th:
Diagnosed with chronic lung disease
21st:
Grade I brain bleed resolved!
23rd:
First bottle
Moved to PICU with NICU best friend
Caleb made it to 5 pounds
28th:
Open crib
31st:
Circumcision
September
8th:
3 months old
Passed newborn hearing screening
Caleb is now 6 pounds 4 ounces
9th:
Passed car seat challenge
11th:
Caleb was supposed to go home today due to his breathing treatment being stopped and the doctor wanting to monitor him for a few more days. This was some of the hardest hits Chris and I took this far into the NICU journey.
14th:
Released from hospital to go home
15th:
Grandma and Grandpa Curry came to visit
Caleb met his cousins, Wesley and Ce'Nedra.
Caleb met his Nana (my mom)
20th:
Caleb's original due date
21st:
Grandpa Cook and Nancy came to visit
29th:
Eye appointment for Caleb showed no ROP - ALL CLEAR
Caleb made it to 8 pounds
October
8th:
Four months old
Caleb made it to 8 pounds 13 ounces
1/8 liter of oxygen
Joan came to visit
10th:
Alicia came to visit
16th:
Was switched to soy formula indefinitely
1/16 liter of oxygen
17th:
Matt and Cara came to visit
22nd:
Caleb made it to 10 pounds
25th:
Mieasha came to visit
Caleb got to see his Grandpa and Grandma Curry. Thinking back on this day now, it was extremely bittersweet. Caleb was able to see his Grandpa Curry in his house one final time...
31st:
Caleb's first Halloween
November
3rd:
Received some very difficult news about Don (Grandpa Curry)
8th:
Five months old!
10th:
Met Caleb's pulmonologist who was able to give us uplifting news about Caleb's oxygen requirements.
Caleb made it to 11 pounds 5 ounces
12th:
First overnight room air study
14th:
Caleb's first OSU game
15th:
Received news that Don (Grandpa Curry) had an official diagnosis of a brain tumor
19th:
Received new medication for reflux
Smiles on demand
Went to preliminary testing for SippC
First Synagis shot
Was informed that Caleb no longer needed to be on supplemental oxygen during the day
Caleb made it to 12 pounds 1 ounce
26th:
Caleb's first Thanksgiving
Caleb's first Bedlam game
8th:
Caleb is 6 months old!
9th:
Caleb is beginning to teethe
15th:
Caleb sits up with the help of a Bumbo
18th:
Loving tummy time
22nd:
Caleb is finally at home longer than he was in the NICU
Caleb made it to 14 pounds 5 ounces
Caleb got to see his NICU girlfriend, Olivia!
25th:
Caleb's first Christmas
26th:
Caleb "asked" his Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick and they would be his Godfathers.
Caleb's Great Grandma Meeks passed away today
January
3rd:
Celebrated Daddy's birthday
8th:
Caleb is 7 months old!
Caleb made it to 15 pounds 6 ounces
11th:
Caleb was awake and asleep off of the oxygen and he did great.
13th:
Grandpa Curry became Caleb's guardian angel. Not a day goes by that we do not continually remind Caleb of his grandpa.
Follow up visit to Caleb's cardiologist to confirm that the PDA is still closed and there are no underlying heart issues.
20th:
Left Caleb overnight for the first time to go to Don's funeral. Caleb's smiles and giggles made both his mommy and daddy feel a little better about leaving.
26th:
Tried baby cereal, and it wasn't that great of a success.
28th:
Caleb put both of his hands on my cheeks and pulled me in for a kiss. It completely melted my heart.
February
2nd:
Tried avocados, and Caleb loved them!
3rd:
Caleb was chosen to be in the baseline group for the SippC study.
8th:
Caleb is 8 months old!
Caleb made it to 16 pounds 8 ounces.
13th:
Caleb's first overall experience.
14th:
Caleb's first Valentine's Day
19th:
Tried and LOVED sweet potatoes!
22nd:
First time - ever - going for a walk outside. Caleb LOVED it!
Sat in a high chair for the first time and loved it.
March
8th:
Caleb is 9 months old!
He made it to 18 pounds 5 ounces.
17th:
Caleb's first St. Patrick's Day
20th:
Caleb's bottom "toof" popped out.
28th:
Caleb's first Easter
April
8th:
Caleb is 10 months old
Caleb made it to 19 pounds
15th:
We have slowly started taking Caleb out to more places. His official lift date for isolation is May 1st.
Caleb had his first french fry
16th:
Outing #2: Farm Show
21st:
Outing #3: Festival of the Arts
22nd:
Outing #4: Roxy's Ice Cream
25th:
Three bottom teeth and two top teeth trying to break through.
May
2nd:
Celebrated Mommy's birthday
3rd:
Great report at gastroenterologist for Caleb. Weaning down on reflux medication and hoping to switch to regular dairy based formula so we can go to cow's milk.
4th:
Went back to visit some of the NICU staff.
8th:
Celebrated Mother's Day with Mommy.
Caleb is 11 months old!
Caleb made it to 21 pounds.
11th:
After 337 days on some form of supplemental oxygen, Caleb was released from any additional form of supplemental oxygen.
12th:
Outing #4: Buffalo Wild Wings
14th:
March of Dimes
16th:
Modeling debut!
Went over to Uncle Robert's and Aunt Eden's house!
21st:
Caleb went to sleep in his crib for the first time ever!
25th:
Caleb crawled!!
29th:
All of Caleb's oxygen supplies were finally picked up.
June
8th
After a year of fighting, a year of triumphs, a year of questions, and a year of phenomenal resilience and perseverance, Caleb turns one year old. God is so good.
With the rate that Caleb is continually growing and thriving, myself and my husband are certain that Caleb will make significant strides moving forward.
As a parent, there are no books to read from that will give you step-by-step instructions on how to care for a child. As a parent of a micro-preemie, the odds are always stacked against you and your miracle. However, with faith, prayer, love, and support, you and your miracle can get through anything. My beautiful 1 pound 15 ounce 25 week 4 day baby has proven that miracles do exist.
He is and will always be my miracle and my hero.
Reference:
Mayo Clinic Staff. (2014). Placental abruption. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/placental-abruption/basics/definition/con-20024292
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