In Complete Awe

Countless times, I have heard that nothing worth having comes easy. Though this is vitally true in every single aspect of our lives, there have been numerous times - especially over the last two years - that this has become hard to hear.

I have been exhausted.

I have been broken.

You see, in 2009, I decided to start my college journey again. After being incapable of returning back to school due to my health, I finally decided to take a stand and move forward regardless of any limitations that stood in my way. At the end of the day, these "limitations" were ones that I was easily able to overcome with the right amount of dedication, perseverance, and hope. 

In 2012. I graduated with honors and earned a bachelor's degree in business administration. Honestly, I could not believe that I was able to accomplish such an amazing goal. I cannot count how many times I managed to yell at myself throughout this specific journey just to stop feeling sorry for myself and set out to do what I knew I could do.

What I KNEW I could do.

After a year break, I decided to go back to school in September 2013 to earn my MBA. I was ecstatic to go back. I had almost become stir crazy because I missed being in school. I missed learning. I missed pushing myself. 

So much happened since September 2013...

An engagement. A marriage. Finding out that I was pregnant. Giving birth to our son three and a half months early. A 98 day NICU stay. Learning of my father-in-law's terminal brain tumor. The passing of my father-in-law. Cognitive MS relapse. Short term disability. Long term disability. Being terminated from a job due to doctor's appointments...

Sigh.

I could continue...

In the midst of everything that occurred after my son was born, I was kicked out of school. Not once, but twice, due to repeated miscommunication and the inability for the school to file the correct paper work on time. I could not continue classes after my son was born and was suspended because of a professor's lack of time management to complete his portion of an incomplete request. I went back to school three weeks after Caleb was born with the understanding that I would take a term off (6 weeks) when he came home. The time was taken off, but when I went to re-register for classes, I was informed that I would have to pay for school out of pocket for three terms.

Sigh.

We had just had a baby come home from the NICU. I was on disability. There was no way that $7,500 could be paid at that moment. So, I didn't return back to school until the middle of February 2016 when student loans would become available again.

Now, the old me would have shaken my head and given up. There would have been absolutely no way that I would want to continue on doing what I was doing with so many barriers standing in my way. I'll admit, the new me was hesitant on trying to move forward to finish my degree. 

With a new baby at home, going through a cognitive MS relapse, very little sleep, and learning that I, in fact, did not have five of me running around at the same time posed a significant issue with trying to complete anything. 

Sigh.

However, I pushed through. 

Harder than I ever have before.

Today, August 16, 2016, I have officially completed my MBA with a 4.0!!!

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Before going anything further, there is something I feel needs to be addressed:

So, as numerous people have asked, "What on earth are you going to do now that you're out of school? Just stay home with Caleb?"

Oh, the fury! 

Yes, I will continue to be home with Caleb, raising him to be a happy, healthy little boy. Educating him and preparing him for the world. This, in and of itself, is a full time job - more than a full time job, actually. There are no vacation days. No breaks. I do not have the ability to leave the office at the end of the day and leave work at work. We don't have a nanny to care for Caleb - why would we want another person raising him? It's a 24/7/365 job that I would not give up for anything in the world. It's the best job I've ever had, actually. Caleb is the best boss I've ever had, as well. For those who do not understand what it means to be a stay-at-home mom, try to respect and appreciate the ones who are. Do not undermine them because they are not going into an office to work. Do not look at a stay-at-home mom as one who gets to do nothing during the day and get away with it or someone who is uneducated. Yes, I'm a stay-at-home mom with an advanced degree. This was not what I had originally planned to do after college, but quite frankly, it's not my decision or plan in the first place. I am where I am and am doing what God intends for me to do. 

Rant over.  

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Additionally, I'm currently waiting to hear back from a university to be an online professor and will be working on my MS-related book. Finally, in a year, I will be going back to school to earn my doctorate in business administration.

Wow.

Yesterday, I found a list of goals I had written down for myself to achieve over a lifetime. I think I wrote the list when I was 17 or 18. However, I was shocked to see that most of them had already been achieved.

I am so proud of who I have become. 

I am so proud of the goals I have accomplished.

I am proud that my husband can say, "Yes! That's my wife, and look what she just accomplished!"

I am so proud that I can look my son in the eyes, and tell him that he can do absolutely anything he wants to as long as he works hard and never gives up.

I am so proud to know that I have completed something I was told never needed to be accomplished.

I am so proud that I never listened to those who told me that it was okay to give up.

I hope, now more than ever, that the little boy napping in the nursery down the hall will be as proud of me as I am of him. It is because of his beautiful soul and tremendous fight that I continued to push myself. 

With all of this, I beg you:

Make goals for yourself. Go out on a limb to create goals that may seem out of reach at the time. Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot achieve anything. Do not let anyone tell you - this includes yourself - that it is okay to give up. Yes, there may be tears and there may be times of anger, but I can assure you that when you come out on the other side, you will look back in complete awe that you accomplished what was meant to tear you apart. Be proud of yourself, and never, ever give up on your dreams and goals. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, but never settle for an easy route because you are worth the fight.

What a Difference a Year can Make

With a 98 day NICU journey, Caleb overcame the largest odds. After his 98 day journey, he continued to thrive, overcome odds, and grow into an amazing and strong little boy

June:

8th: 

Caleb's Born at Integris Canadian Valley
3:47 PM
12 3/4 inches, 1 pound 15 ounces

Billirubin light therapy begins as soon as he is admitted to Integris Baptist

10th:

Chest tube placed

12th: 

Met Uncle Bubba (my brother) for the first time

13th: 

Chest tube removed

14th: 

Met Aunt Eden
PICC line placement

16th: 

Blood transfusion

19th:

Had Grade I brain bleed

20th: 

Met Grandpa Curry

21st:

Caleb made it to 2 pounds!

23rd:

Blood transfusion (all blood given to Caleb was from his daddy)
Changed to a conventional ventilator

24th: 

Placed back on the oscillating ventilator

July

3rd:

Kissed Caleb on the head at 9:30 PM
 

4th:

1st Fourth of July

8th:

One Month Old
Uncle Bubba came to visit

10th:

Met Grandpa Cook and Nancy

11th:

Changed to conventional ventilator

12th:

Skin-to-skin: I held Caleb for the first time

13th:

First bath

14th:

Blood transfusion

18th:

Caleb made it to three pounds
Daddy held Caleb for the first time!

19th:

Second bath and washed hair

24th:

Third bath and washed hair

26th:

Met Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick

27th: 

Was informed that I was not producing enough breast milk for Caleb and was talked to about donor milk

28th:

PDA is getting smaller
ROP exam showed no ROP
1st attempt off of ventilator
Heard Caleb cry for the first time

29th: 

Placed back on ventilator

31st:

Was informed that Caleb contracted e-coli. He would be placed in isolation for over 30 days. We would be required to gown and glove up every single time we went into his room.

 August

3rd:

Dr. Breed visited Caleb

6th:

Second time off ventilator

7th:

Blood transfusion

8th:

Two months old
PICC is out
First time swaddled
First time in clothes

11th:

Second ROP exam showed stage 1/2 (mild) ROP

13th: 

Caleb made it to 4 pounds

14th:

PDA completely closed on its own!

19th:

Off ventilator completely

20th:

Diagnosed with chronic lung disease

21st:

Grade I brain bleed resolved!

23rd: 

First bottle
Moved to PICU with NICU best friend

24th:

Caleb made it to 5 pounds

28th:

Open crib

31st:

Circumcision

September

8th:

3 months old
Passed newborn hearing screening
Caleb is now 6 pounds 4 ounces

9th:

Passed car seat challenge

11th:

Caleb was supposed to go home today due to his breathing treatment being stopped and the doctor wanting to monitor him for a few more days. This was some of the hardest hits Chris and I took this far into the NICU journey. 

14th:

Released from hospital to go home

 

15th:

Grandma and Grandpa Curry came to visit

 

18th:

Caleb met his cousins, Wesley and Ce'Nedra.
Caleb met his Nana (my mom)

20th:

Caleb's original due date 

21st:

Grandpa Cook and Nancy came to visit

29th:

Eye appointment for Caleb showed no ROP - ALL CLEAR
Caleb made it to 8 pounds 

October

8th:

Four months old
Caleb made it to 8 pounds 13 ounces
1/8 liter of oxygen
Joan came to visit

10th:

Alicia came to visit

16th:

Was switched to soy formula indefinitely
1/16 liter of oxygen 

17th:

Matt and Cara came to visit

22nd:

Caleb made it to 10 pounds

25th:

Mieasha came to visit

28th:

Caleb got to see his Grandpa and Grandma Curry. Thinking back on this day now, it was extremely bittersweet. Caleb was able to see his Grandpa Curry in his house one final time...

 

31st:

Caleb's first Halloween

November


3rd:

Received some very difficult news about Don (Grandpa Curry)

8th:

Five months old!

10th:

Met Caleb's pulmonologist who was able to give us uplifting news about Caleb's oxygen requirements. 
Caleb made it to 11 pounds 5 ounces

12th:

First overnight room air study

14th:

Caleb's first OSU game

 

15th:

Received news that Don (Grandpa Curry) had an official diagnosis of a brain tumor

19th:

Received new medication for reflux
Smiles on demand
Went to preliminary testing for SippC 
First Synagis shot
Was informed that Caleb no longer needed to be on supplemental oxygen during the day
Caleb made it to 12 pounds 1 ounce

 26th:

Caleb's first Thanksgiving
 

29th:

Caleb's first Bedlam game

December

8th:

Caleb is 6 months old!

9th:

Caleb is beginning to teethe

15th:

Caleb sits up with the help of a Bumbo

18th:

Loving tummy time

22nd:

Caleb is finally at home longer than he was in the NICU
Caleb made it to 14 pounds 5 ounces
Caleb got to see his NICU girlfriend, Olivia!

25th:

Caleb's first Christmas

26th:

Caleb "asked" his Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick and they would be his Godfathers.

28th:

Caleb's Great Grandma Meeks passed away today

January 

3rd:

Celebrated Daddy's birthday

8th:

Caleb is 7 months old!
Caleb made it to 15 pounds 6 ounces

11th:

Caleb was awake and asleep off of the oxygen and he did great.

 

 13th:

Grandpa Curry became Caleb's guardian angel. Not a day goes by that we do not continually remind Caleb of his grandpa. 

19th:

Follow up visit to Caleb's cardiologist to confirm that the PDA is still closed and there are no underlying heart issues.

20th:

Left Caleb overnight for the first time to go to Don's funeral. Caleb's smiles and giggles made both his mommy and daddy feel a little better about leaving.

26th:

Tried baby cereal, and it wasn't that great of a success.

28th:

Caleb put both of his hands on my cheeks and pulled me in for a kiss. It completely melted my heart.

February 

2nd:

Tried avocados, and Caleb loved them!

3rd:

Caleb was chosen to be in the baseline group for the SippC study.

8th:

Caleb is 8 months old!
Caleb made it to 16 pounds 8 ounces.

13th:

Caleb's first overall experience.

14th:

Caleb's first Valentine's Day

19th:

Tried and LOVED sweet potatoes!

22nd:

First time - ever - going for a walk outside. Caleb LOVED it!
Sat in a high chair for the first time and loved it.

March

8th:

Caleb is 9 months old!
He made it to 18 pounds 5 ounces.

17th:

Caleb's first St. Patrick's Day

20th:

Caleb's bottom "toof" popped out.

28th:

Caleb's first Easter

April

8th:

Caleb is 10 months old
Caleb made it to 19 pounds

 15th:

We have slowly started taking Caleb out to more places. His official lift date for isolation is May 1st. 
Caleb had his first french fry

16th:

Outing #2: Farm Show

21st:

Outing #3: Festival of the Arts

22nd:

Outing #4: Roxy's Ice Cream

25th:

Three bottom teeth and two top teeth trying to break through.

May

2nd:

Celebrated Mommy's birthday

3rd:

Great report at gastroenterologist for Caleb. Weaning down on reflux medication and hoping to switch to regular dairy based formula so we can go to cow's milk.

4th:

Went back to visit some of the NICU staff.

8th: 

Celebrated Mother's Day with Mommy.
Caleb is 11 months old!
Caleb made it to 21 pounds.

11th:

After 337 days on some form of supplemental oxygen, Caleb was released from any additional form of supplemental oxygen.

12th:

Outing #4: Buffalo Wild Wings

14th:

March of Dimes

16th:

Modeling debut!

Went over to Uncle Robert's and Aunt Eden's house!

21st:

Caleb went to sleep in his crib for the first time ever!

25th:

Caleb crawled!!

29th:

All of Caleb's oxygen supplies were finally picked up.

June

8th

After a year of fighting, a year of triumphs, a year of questions, and a year of phenomenal resilience and perseverance, Caleb turns one year old. God is so good.

With the rate that Caleb is continually growing and thriving, myself and my husband are certain that Caleb will make significant strides moving forward.

As a parent, there are no books to read from that will give you step-by-step instructions on how to care for a child. As a parent of a micro-preemie, the odds are always stacked against you and your miracle. However, with faith, prayer, love, and support, you and your miracle can get through anything. My beautiful 1 pound 15 ounce 25 week 4 day baby has proven that miracles do exist.

He is and will always be my miracle and my hero.

Reference:

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2014). Placental abruption. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/placental-abruption/basics/definition/con-20024292