Since 2005, weakness began to ravage my body to the point of being incapable to function as the young woman I once was. There have been countless times over the past eight years that I have made excuses as to why I couldn't do something...or why I didn't want to be active...or why I decided to let the medication and fatigue take over my entire being.
However,
that was then.
This is now.
On May 2nd, I'll be turning 29. This will be the last year that I have to live in the decade that changed my life forever (I was diagnosed with MS on December 17, 2005 - I was 20). Somehow, everything seems to finally make sense to me. What I never really seemed to realize is that my life is not just about me.
It never has been.
This past December, I became engaged to a man who truly encompasses every aspect of what I believe love should be. We support one another. We celebrate each other's successes and pick each other up should we fall. Not a day goes by that I am not continually reminded by an action, a touch, a word, or a smile that I was chosen for everything I am...
and everything I am not.
There were no excuses present when Christopher made his choice to have me (me!!!) as his future wife. When he looks at me, he sees his future. When I look at him, I see my future, and I see everything worth fighting for.
Christopher and I have discussed starting a family soon after our wedding. With these discussions, I've realized that now more than ever, every aspect of who I am, every success, every downfall - everything - will ultimately affect more than just myself.
Now, when I look in the mirror, I see that my overall well-being is no longer just about me. I am fighting for myself, my future husband, our future children, our future grandchildren, and our lives.
I find myself pushing harden than before. No more excuses as to why I cannot do something. I have a goal to run a half marathon in a year. Will this happen? Absolutely!
No more excuses of paralyzing fear. I was terrified to go back to school for my Masters. Am I doing it now? Absolutely! Am I going to graduate? You better believe it! Will I go back for my PhD? Who's stopping me?
No more excuses as to why stopping/giving up is okay for the time being. Have I wanted to give up during grueling workouts or intense study sessions? I cannot describe the want there. Did I? Nope.
No more excuses as to why I cannot be the woman I want to be. No more excuses as to why I cannot be the wife I want to be. No more excuses as to why I cannot be the mother I want to be.
No more excuses.
Period.
Today, I fight for myself. I fight for my future. I fight for my future's future.
Today, I stand here fighting for and with you.
It is a very scary world. There seems to be road blocks around every corner, but through it all, through the adversity, through everything that would typically make an individual give up, it is our purpose to keep going.
Keep your eyes open. Hold your head up high, and follow the path you were meant to take.
Only you stand in your own way.
